Keys.
Film
script.
Script Joe Ogden
based on video shot
by Phil Wainman
Open
1.TITLE
SEQUENCE
Animated
sequence
KEYS
The Spy who shags a
bit
Sea
washes over titles
VIDEO PHIL WAINMAN
2.(CUT
INS) THE CHASE
We
pull back from a bucket that has a dead moth floating on the surface and hear
the sound of a helicopter as though taking off.
CUT
TO
Helicopter
flying over the cliffs, by the sea. It hovers over cliffs
CUT
TO
We
meet seaside entertainer Michael Spy, a Harold Wilson impersonator and
part-time super spy. He walks up a slop from the bay. He turns to look
helicopter, and walks on up the slop.
CUT
TO
Helicopter
dips in sky.
CUT
TO
Helicopter
hovers, zoom in on door way. We see Phil de Loo Shop Counter Spy, and X files
Gillian Anderson look alike. He stands at the edge of the helicopter door way
ready to jump.
(Russian. Off and over radio) Go get
you target.
Phil
jumps.
CUT
TO
Phil
landing.
CUT
TO
Helicopter
flying off.
CUT
TO
Michael
walking.
CUT
TO
MICHAEL
(voice over and on phone) Yeah the surreal
flash backs from the sodiumpanthol...
While
showing Phil running over the hill.
...they injected me with, only come on if I
over do it. Oh yeah I’m really chilling out here...
CUT
TO
While
showing Michael walking into shot. Then Michael sees Phil and is struck with
fear he starts to run up the hill like a bat out of hell. Enter Phil running up
the hill after him. Somehow Phil seems to freeze in mid air and fades.
SFX.
Phil is beamed out.
Michael
keeps on running until out of shoot.
CUT
TO
Michael
running along side of building.
SFX.
Super fast running along building.
CUT
TO
Brick
Ally, Michael runs into wall followed by Phil.
SFX.
A surreal dream sequences.
cut
in: still, Phil and Joe looking for Michael
cut
in: still, Michael being pulled through a hedge backwards by Phil and Joe.
cut
in: still, Joe, Michael and Phil standing together once friends
CUT
TO
Michael
running down brick ally. Phil following him.
CUT
TO
P.O.V.
Michael running down back ally and kicking open a door.
CUT
TO
Michael
appearing at the top of the stairs and looks around. A Rosa, a young Spanish
female, is just finishing his hair cut. Michael kisses her and runs down
stairs. Phil enters and turns up her nose and leaves. Phil beans out of shot.
SFX.
Phil beaming out of shoot.
CUT
TO
We
follow Michel running down stairs.
CUT
TO
Michael
running down the stairs past the camera, the same bit of stairs several times! After six times, the last one a double
exposure. The Camera pans and we see a camp Phil and Joe.
PHIL
(To Joe) They did this in The Shed. I
was the Star in that one!
JOE
Well get you.(To Camera Person) Are
you still filming?
CAMERA PERSON
You didn’t say cut.
JOE
Just cu...(cut)
CUT
TO
Michael
runs down more stairs, split screen, ‘Michael meets himself’ He runs down the
right of the stairs and out of shot. To return up the left-hand side of the
stair well.
MICHAEL
(on the Left) It’s locked! Quick this way!
The
Michael(left)runs out of shot. While Michael (right) ponders a moment on the
fact of meeting himself. Then follows Michael(left).
CUT
TO
Phil
beams into cellar, runs for the door.
CUT
TO
Phil
opens the locked door with a spoon and exits.
CUT
TO
‘THE
ANNOUNCEMENT’ white on black card.
VOICE OVER
In a bid for European film funding we now introduce
an international feel to the film.
Rosa
stands by the door and reads notice.
(Reads the notice in Spanish; she exits
through the door.) Cleaners cupboard and cleaners home.
Michael
reads notice.
MICHAEL
(Dubbing, in French) My grandmother shaves
her legs with a biro. (He exits.)
CUT
TO
Phil
running up the steps.
CUT
TO
Phil
running towards door with notice.
CUT
TO
Phil
reading notice.
PHIL
(Russian accent) Cleaners cupboard ant
Cleaners home.(He exits through door.)
3.INT
CLEANERS HOME - NIGHT
Michael
climbs out of a wardrobe blinking in the light. He is in a room full of clutter
and books, Close up - He picks up a book on the ‘The Queen’; He laughs; hears a
sound; panics and runs out of shot. Moments later Phil comes flying out through
the wardrobe.
CUT
TO
P.O.V.
Phil looking about the room see a dustsheet.
CUT
TO
Lifts
the dustsheet to see a disguised Michael.
PHIL
(Russian) Spy?
MICHAEL
(Reading a book) Cleaner, do you mind?
PHIL
Not at all. (Puts the dust sheet back)
CUT
TO
Phil
see the door and runs out through it but thinks something’s afoot.
CUT
TO
Phil
opens door and walks to the left.
CUT
TO
Phil
walking passed wood.
CUT
TO
Michael
makes his way through the door and into camera.
CUT
TO
Michael
goes through other door.
CUT
TO
Michael
walking passed wood.
CUT
TO
Phil
Follows him.
CUT
TO
Michael
opening door and looking around.
CUT
TO
P.O.V.
Michael we see Phil who puts on his glasses and then thumps Michael. who falls
back onto the bed. Black out.
4.
INT. THE INTEGRATION ROOM
FADE
UP
P.O.V.
Michael sat. Hand held, Phil’s hand snapping fingers.
PHIL
(Russian) Keys – Keys, Keys! Now! Vere are the keys.
MICHAEL
don’t know.
PHIL.
Vell?
Sound
of belt buckle being undone, zip flies going down, sounds of pants falling. Phil’s
face tells rest. Sucking sound and then a pop, then the jangle of keys.
MICHAEL (unseen).
Oor That’s better.
Keys
are pressed into Phil’s hand. Who looks down with such disgust he swing his
fist and knocks out Michael again. Black out.
PHIL
You dirty English pig.
5.INT
BATH ROOM - DAYTIME
Sound
of Phil mumbling as he washes his hands.
CUT
TO
Close
up Phil scrubbing hands.
CUT
TO
Close
up Phil scrubbing keys.
6.INT
COMPUTER SCREEN – DAYTIME
Phil
sits at the computer. We see the back of his head on
An animated GIF image of Mr. Gerrtabig
blinking.
(Voice) ave you got the keys?
Phil
shows the keys.
(Russian) so my patriotic arrogance friend,
shell we get the plans.
Dis is the keys to de automobile. Get the
secret documents from Spy’s automobile’s glove compartment at de theatre
7.(CUT
INS) THE CAR - DAYTIME
P.O.V.
Phil walking towards car, opening door and getting in.
CUT
TO
Close
up on glove compartment and hand openings it.
CUT
TO
P.O.V.
Michael comes around, walks over to the computer. Michael’s hands press ‘kill’
on keyboard.
CUT
TO
The
car’s glove compartment a light flashes.
CAR’S VOICE
Bye-bye.
Car
explosion.
7.INT.
A CONCLUSION – NIGHT TIME
Michael
walks into shot. Each time he bobs down we here a ripping sound.
MICHAEL
(As P.C. Dickson of Dockgreendick.) Eve’in
all, They say a bird in the hand is worth a dog up a tree. They don’t but it’s
a good opening line. You know there’s only one ‘affective’ way to deal with
your master counter spy in this job and that’s to blow the sod up with army
grade Semtex. Mindst if you, or any member of your family, were to do so, you
could expect ten to life. So be sure to
make friends with your local spy. You if he’d been a good spy he would of known
where the Secret documents were really kept.
Michael
bends down, there’s sucking sound and a pop. he Holds a tube and taps it. Waving
the tube with the documents in.
MICHAEL
Now I’ve got my holiday to finish off before
I go back to my cover job as a Harold Wilson impersonator at the local
‘Pierrot’ show. So keep your eyes
peeled. Good evening all, look after yourselfs
8.INT
THE THEATRE – NIGHT TIME
Michael
on stage.
MICHAEL
...And this is me, ‘fly me to the moon.’(Sings
or mimes to song.)
The
Pierrot clown (Cast and Crew.) Come on stage waving to the camera to music and
applause. Michael sings on.
Phil
crawls on stage towards the end, wet and covered with seaweed. Spits out some
water and grabs Michael’s leg. Michael looks ill at ease.
9.
END CREDITS
The
credits roll, Audio Michael’s Harold Wilson long speech over them. Animated keys to spell out
Keys
Production of
film digital &
Joedot
10.INT
THEATRE – NIGHT TIME
Michael
on stage.
VOICE
We’ve finished Michael, go home, we’ll let
you know.
END.